Spouses that divorce because of infidelity face unique and painful challenges on their road to emotional recovery. Divorce is inherently painful. When one of the partners has been unfaithful, that hurt and pain is compounded. Therapy or reflection are important tools for those who wish to move on with their lives.
Divorce after infidelity shatters the victim’s sense of stability and security. Rick Reynolds, Licensed Social Worker and Founder of Affair Recovery, identifies the Infidelity Divorce Syndrome. He names five issues that betrayed spouses must overcome to lead a whole and healthy life after divorce.
Inability to trust is the most pressing issue that people who have been cheated on face. They cannot trust their own judgement. After all – they choose a partner who could lie and deceive them. They cannot trust others because the person who promised to love them went on to deceive them.
Betrayed partners can be susceptible to triggers for years after divorce. Anyone can trigger their feelings of betrayal and rage, not just romantic partners. Divorce does not automatically restore the victim’s sense of self. Again, with therapy and self-exploration, divorced spouses can release the anger and not react to triggers.
Jealousy is an obvious obstacle for people who have been betrayed. Feelings of inadequacy can lead to poor self-esteem. The victim wonders why they were not enough to keep their spouse happy. They also expect partners to cheat and accuse them of the worst, whether or not it is founded. Until these feeling are worked through, victims of infidelity push away potential partners with their extreme jealousy.
People who have been cheated on tend to keep their guard up. They avoid letting-go completely in relationships, because they do not want to be vulnerable. Victims of infidelity avoid the risks that come with love. In doing so, they are stuck in place
Finally, people that divorce after infidelity tend to see romance and potential mates through a negative lens. They may tell themselves that all men lie or cheat or there are no honest women. This bitterness prevents them from letting true love and companionship back into their lives.
For divorced spouses that experienced infidelity, a great deal of introspection must take place before they can fully open their hearts to others. Reynolds says the legitimate wounds of betrayal can be worked through with self-care and therapy. The good news is that healing is possible. Divorced spouses can find healthy love again.
If you are facing a divorce in New Jersey, issues of alimony, custody, and child support may seem overwhelming. The experienced Bridgewater divorce lawyers at the Law Offices of Kisha M. Hebbon can guide you through the process.
We can help achieve the best outcome possible for your family. Call our Somerset, New Jersey offices at 732-873-6464 or contact us online to schedule your consultation. We represent clients throughout New Jersey including Somerset County, Middlesex County, Union County and including but not limited to the towns of Somerset, Franklin, Bridgewater, New Brunswick, East Brunswick, Plainfield, Edison, Metuchen, Woodbridge, Piscataway, Old Bridge, Rahway, Linden, Elizabeth, Cranford, Summit, Union, Clark, Elizabeth, Berkeley Heights, and Scotch Plains.