Divorce is always going to be a major life change for children, and there is little that divorcing parents can do to alter that. However, change does not always need to be traumatic and difficult. Sometimes, when a child’s parents divorce, they are able to enjoy a new and healthier life, not having to deal with constant arguing, tension, or even domestic violence. It can be a positive change for a child to see their parents become happier through divorce.
Yet, why is it that some children seem to breeze through their parent’s divorce unscathed, while other children struggle to deal with issues stemming from the break-up for the rest of their lives? Does a child’s age at the time their parents separate make a difference in terms of how hard they are impacted and how well they are able to adapt? When considering a divorce, it is important to consider these different factors.
A child’s ability to successfully navigate these changes is dependent on how the parents interact with each other through the divorce process. First and foremost, parents must remember at all times that they are role models. Even if they re-marry, parents should always act on the child’s best interest. It is important to try to separate feelings for an ex from what is in the child’s best interest. This is almost always easier said than done.
Remember, from a child’s perspective, both parents are in the wrong. This seems to be true even if one parent precipitated the divorce, for example, by having an extramarital affair. To a child, they may be feeling like both parents let them down, no matter what the cause of the divorce is. Do not try to paint the other parent as the cause for the divorce, and accept responsibility.
Parents should not talk negatively about the other parent, or use their child to find out information about their ex’s new life. It also never helps to shower the child with toys and gifts to try and win them over. This can be a destructive cycle that gets harder to rebuild every time. By trying to buy a child’s affection, it teaches them that they can pit one parent against each other and make them compete.
If you are going through a divorce in New Jersey, the best way to proceed is to demonstrate respect for your child’s other parent. Remember that your child still loves your ex. The respected Somerset divorce lawyers at the Law Offices of Kisha M. Hebbon are dedicated to helping families move forward in a divorce. With offices located in Somerset, New Jersey, we represent clients throughout New Jersey including Somerset County, Middlesex County, Union County and including but not limited to the towns of Somerset, Franklin, Bridgewater, New Brunswick, East Brunswick, Plainfield, Edison, Metuchen, Woodbridge, Piscataway, Old Bridge, Rahway, Linden, Elizabeth, Cranford, Summit, Union, Clark, Elizabeth, Berkeley Heights, and Scotch Plains. To schedule a consultation, call us at 732-633-2224 or contact us online today.
